DIARY: the death of today
Today I feel so lost , I`m have not way to go there nothing to live all my life have been a real shit. the only thing that I have to wait is the death cause that is the only solution of my sorrow. All my trouble start with the lonelyness that I`ve have since I was a child, always all the people that was around me just felt hate for me and I dont know why because I tried to be a good person with them and they always tried to killed me, they did it. all my life have been like this way, and all my family feels the way too, sometimes I think that I have some kind of demon inside of me cause all the people that is around me just feels that feeling for me and it hurts so much (really I dont know what to do) sonce I was a young boy my father tried to make me feel so bad and tried to killed me (all my days he tells me that i must to be dead) later my mom and the rest of my "family" just gone with him and left me alone (I remember that one day my mom left me abandoned in a stairs of a house and I was sleeping) and they always tried to killed me but always past something to stop them. when I was in 7 grade of hight school I though that I found a real friend (my first) but he just used me to get fun with his real friends and just get laught. later I was so stupid but I though again that I found a my real friend but he abandoned and he leave to another school away from me. later of many years the person (who cath me when I was sleeping in that stairs when my mother left me) died a oct 26 and I felt more lost that always(I was the guilty for her death cause I make something so cruel with God that he make me that to make me feel afraid to him) and always and always all the people tried to killed me for all the reason and the principal reason is " to be living here with them". for all these reason and more troubles that I have in my heart I felt in a adiction that is killing me now!. today my "father"(that I hate with all my heart for steal my life) tried to killed me again and I`m so weak that I dont have nothing to survive it. the only thing that I think in this moment is in die today cause is my only reason to be here. since 1 year ago I have been cutting my skin to feel me better but I not feel better anymore to make that. I feel guilty. Now I tell that I wont feel the love for no one cause I cant feel it, but there is a only being that I love so much:"GOD" , maybe he make me feel all this things for I could feel love for him. and I love him so much he is my life but I`m so weak to be here and I know that soon I will die. I just want to say something : "I love u God and you are my only one".
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